My grandma was sick for a very long time. She had cancer, and then it went into remission, and then it came back. When i asked my mom if she ever talked to her own mom about death, she said she had. She said that my grandma knew that her time was running out, but she wasn't scared of death, "she was scared for us, for what we would have to go through," as she put it. For people who have never met my grandmother, she was a strong willed and independent woman, she was ahead of her time. Someone people would look up to, she just had that aura about her. She really was a strong woman, you never would have known that she had cancer until the end. My mom on the other hand, knew the whole time because that was her mother. I asked her how she felt about the whole deal, and she said that after watching what she had gone through, she wasn't afraid of death, just suffering. She didn't want people to watch her slowly deteriorate until she did die. I don't think anyone does.
The first thing my mom said to me after i read her the assignment was that she always knew that my grandma wanted to be cremated even though it was against her religion. I felt that this was a significant thing to begin with because my mom was always very close with her mother and it is deep to understand that your own mother will die one day and you are going to have to be responsible for fulfilling her final wishes. She knew that once my grandma had accepted death, she couldn't do anything but be there for her to support her. It reminded my mom of the one time she went to visit her grandmother Sadie's grave, she said she went into the graveyard and it was so quiet and peaceful. "It was fasinating, so many souls resting in peace, but under the ground, rotting in boxes," as she said.
After watching what happened to my grandma, my mom has a new outlook on life, and death. She said that you are supposed to appreciate life, and with it, appreciate death. The only sure thing in life, is death. Life is very much like the Never Ending Song, one day you start it, and how long you keep it going it up to you, but eventually you get tired of it, so you stop, and then you move on. Its fun to do with groups of people, it is merry and makes you feel like you are part of a family when you sing it. Very much like my grandma's views, my mom agrees that she isn't scared of death, she is afraid of what she will leave behind, that somehow her work here wont be done. To me that made sense, not wanting to leave anything behind, we are given plenty of time on this earth, but yet it never seems to be enough. We always need more, i guess because no matter how we have accepted it, we are still a little scared. Thats what my mom is trying to say, or thats how i interpret it.
I'll leave you with a little poem i found on the internet:
When the first living thing existed,
i was there waiting.
When the last living thing dies,
my job will be finished.
i'll put the chairs on the tables,
turn out the lights,
and lock the universe
behind me as i leave.
-Death
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