I think you had some ideas here that were worth restating. to me the most powerful one was "We don't want to believe the bleak, depressing reality of just laying 6 feet under when we die." I think that because she never directly mentioned her fear of death for this reason, it was even more important, because this really is an idea that people don't ever really want to think about.
There was depth in your ideas and a lot of personal connections that made it seem like a topic that you really did care about and because of that it was reflected in your work
good job
-sam
I really liked the direction you went in the last paragraph because it really showed this beauty of death that really makes you appreciate what you have, because you know you wont have it for that much longer. My favorite line is "This is true at least for the people lucky enough to have loved ones and passions." Because it is filled with doubt and regardless of how many people you may have around you, it is something that everyone thinks. There is always the "what didn't i do." You did a good job of putting your thoughts together on something you didn't get to see, but i think you picked up the ideas beautifully.
-Sam
I thought you're outlook on death is very interesting. You've accepted death yet you'd rather not think or talk about it and let nature take its course. This seems to be the outlook of most people but I find it interesting people think of it as an avoidable topic. I think that you could have expanded on that idea because it is a common is an idea shared by many other people. One thing you could discuss thinking and talking about death personally affects you and why it makes you uncomfortable. I personally believe that over thinking about the topic is what causes all of the negative connotations that go along with it. We instinctively think about how we are supposed to feel because death is always a big deal, but if we gave death less significance, such as something that just occurs naturally, we probably would feel as uncomfortable about it.
Sam, i thought it was interesting how you don't feel the need to talk about death. Why is this? Do you feel its something thats uneeded or do you think you don't want to face the reality of it?
I think its a great attitude to not be afraid of death, and love the way you made the paragraph personal by making connections to your own family. I have the same view as you as in I never want to become a burden on someone and have someone resent looking after me. Reading 'Tuesdays with Morrie' I thought to myself I think I'd rather die than suffer for a drawn out period of time.
I think the way you make real life connections and the language you use is really nice, well done.
Amber :)
Eli (younger brother (less skilled)):
Your ability to take a serious and personal concept, such as the path that is death and how this individual dealt with it, and bring it into a personal and certainly relatable topic is outstanding. I have some bias being part of your family, but it is clear that your connections are profound. For example, you mentioned "Like what my mom said with how she isn't afraid of death, just the effect it will have on people when she does die. I can relate to that because i have too much that I cant leave behind and i don't want other people to be responsible for me when i do die." You turn a very small and narrow story into not into something from your life, but something that is relatable to everyone.
In my opinion the goal of a writer is to tell a story that will bring a reaction of others. Just to hit them and make them think, make them say, "this applies to me". You took a story and did just that, with strong and creative connections.
Stephanie (mom/mentor):
"why do we suddenly feel the need to really live, when we find out we are dying"
This was an amazing comment and insight to me. It takes a tremendous amount of bravery to face mortality and still be true to the course of our lives. This says to me that you know that you have to be able to clearly see the life you live now, to make the most of it in your final final days.
it wasn't easy to se your grandmother (whom i know you loved, and know you are so loved by) live and die with great dignity and i am proud that you are able to build on this important life lesson. To understand the value of family and loved ones now, to cherish our days while we can live them as we choose is a great gift and i am so impressed that you have been able recognize this.
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