I agree with Amhara that you did choose an interesting topic, but again, maybe weave in a story that relates to how your experience of the health care system in England compared to your experience of the United State's health care system. I saw that you put a lot more ideas into your research column but you didn't address many of those points in your post. I think that if you sorted out your ideas here and put some of your own opinions into this project then you could have something very good.
Good start,
sam
Amhara,
I didn't realize how similar our ideas were until i read your blog. I really liked how you addressed how people are afraid of death because they don't want to die with regrets or missed opportunities. I think you did a very good job of picking videos that represent what you are looking for because after watching a few minutes of the first and second videos it becomes more apparent the real divide between dying old and dying young. It makes me think more into the issue which means that you have a good topic but i think that what you have written doesn't do it the full justice it deserves.
It was still very good non-the-less
Sam
I didn't realize how similar our ideas were until i read your blog. I really liked how you addressed how people are afraid of death because they don't want to die with regrets or missed opportunities. I think you did a very good job of picking videos that represent what you are looking for because after watching a few minutes of the first and second videos it becomes more apparent the real divide between dying old and dying young. It makes me think more into the issue which means that you have a good topic but i think that what you have written doesn't do it the full justice it deserves.
It was still very good non-the-less
Sam
Rigel,
You have really good ideas here that show a great deal of depth and understanding, but your grammar mistakes and poor wording in some parts were killing me. They took away so much credibility from your piece because the little mistakes you are making do distract the reader from the message you were trying to get at. I understand what you are trying to say in terms of the various ways of dealing with death and how your culture deals with that. I think that if you focused on one aspect of a "cultural" death, and wrote about that, then you would have a more logical train of thought that would be easier to follow.
Good start though,
Sam
Chris,
I really liked this post. It had depth and real, motivated thought behind it. I think that because this was such a personal issue with you so you felt inspired and it really shows in your writing. Strokes can be devastating not just to a person, but to the person's family a well. This man had to change his diet, he requires help all the time, he is a different man. It shows you how fragile life can be and how easily everything you know can be flipped upside down. Good post chris, maybe just watch out for some of the little grammar mistakes, but then again, who am i to say anything about grammar.
Good job,
Sam
I really liked this post. It had depth and real, motivated thought behind it. I think that because this was such a personal issue with you so you felt inspired and it really shows in your writing. Strokes can be devastating not just to a person, but to the person's family a well. This man had to change his diet, he requires help all the time, he is a different man. It shows you how fragile life can be and how easily everything you know can be flipped upside down. Good post chris, maybe just watch out for some of the little grammar mistakes, but then again, who am i to say anything about grammar.
Good job,
Sam
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Sam,
I really enjoy your style of writing because, through it, you allow me to enter your head and see you how analyze and reflect on certain situations. It is enlightening to such a clear point of view. I thought it was interesting when you acknowledged how people of different age groups have different perspectives in the first paragraph because it relates to my project topic a lot. It's refreshing to see someone with a similar thought process as me.
I really enjoy your style of writing because, through it, you allow me to enter your head and see you how analyze and reflect on certain situations. It is enlightening to such a clear point of view. I thought it was interesting when you acknowledged how people of different age groups have different perspectives in the first paragraph because it relates to my project topic a lot. It's refreshing to see someone with a similar thought process as me.
-Amhara
Sam,
After reading your project I loved your set up of how after you visited the Hallmark that you connected it to various authors to back up your point and that is a great technique. But what really caught my eye in your post was your thoughts on the people inside of the Hallmark. The entire first paragraph which is what I'm referring where you describe the place as ornate and the people as not engaged as a happy person should be. I loved the way you made this observation so clearly. All of the people I know in my family see old folk's homes in such a different way but you describe it in the way it is suppose to be described and I have the same view's on them as you.
-Brendan
After reading your project I loved your set up of how after you visited the Hallmark that you connected it to various authors to back up your point and that is a great technique. But what really caught my eye in your post was your thoughts on the people inside of the Hallmark. The entire first paragraph which is what I'm referring where you describe the place as ornate and the people as not engaged as a happy person should be. I loved the way you made this observation so clearly. All of the people I know in my family see old folk's homes in such a different way but you describe it in the way it is suppose to be described and I have the same view's on them as you.
-Brendan
Sam,
Agreeing to what Amhara said i really enjoyed you're style of writing, I apologize about the way i write my blog i have a bad habit of rushing what I'm trying to explain. Reading your blog made me want to better what I'm writing since people are going to read my work, so i thank you. Now to your blog, you did a really good job at comparing and contrasting the senior center grandfather's house. It created a new view of what a senior citizens home really looked like, because I've never been to one I've always had this view that it was this homey hospital looking place. It might be for some but maybe for not the Hallmark one. Most of all you had a really good ending for your blog, instead of having just a catchy ending, you asked questions, and answered them which flowed and carried on to become this catchy ending. So Good job.
-Rigel
Agreeing to what Amhara said i really enjoyed you're style of writing, I apologize about the way i write my blog i have a bad habit of rushing what I'm trying to explain. Reading your blog made me want to better what I'm writing since people are going to read my work, so i thank you. Now to your blog, you did a really good job at comparing and contrasting the senior center grandfather's house. It created a new view of what a senior citizens home really looked like, because I've never been to one I've always had this view that it was this homey hospital looking place. It might be for some but maybe for not the Hallmark one. Most of all you had a really good ending for your blog, instead of having just a catchy ending, you asked questions, and answered them which flowed and carried on to become this catchy ending. So Good job.
-Rigel
Younger Brother (Eli)
The way you use grandpa's house as a theme throughout your writing makes it very easy to understand your ideas. In creating such a cement idea you have a great basis to work off of. I also loved how you took such a complex and deep idea, death, and broke it down. You made it relatable and understandable to me. Most importantly though your input on what death means, using phrases such as "There is only 1 sure thing in life, and that is that you will die one day". To me, being able to show what death means is genius. Its so hard just to wrap my head around it, but showing me that it will come one day, and that not knowing is so great. Great work Sam.
The way you use grandpa's house as a theme throughout your writing makes it very easy to understand your ideas. In creating such a cement idea you have a great basis to work off of. I also loved how you took such a complex and deep idea, death, and broke it down. You made it relatable and understandable to me. Most importantly though your input on what death means, using phrases such as "There is only 1 sure thing in life, and that is that you will die one day". To me, being able to show what death means is genius. Its so hard just to wrap my head around it, but showing me that it will come one day, and that not knowing is so great. Great work Sam.
Mentor (Mother)
I am always so impressed with the astute eye you have developed as you look at those who are aging, and in fact dying, as we all are. The juxtaposition of the ornate decor of the Hallmark with the stillness of the people that are living there is a stunning visual. What really struck me is once again how deeply you understand the end of life with the passing of your grandmother, and how you so well understood how ... "My Grandmother was able to come to peace with herself before she died. I think she did that long before she actually died because she stopped talking, but she was still very alert. She just didn't want to shatter the silence she had created of herself. When she spoke it was always something important. She had stopped wasting words." ... We all saw for ourselves how true this was, and can reflect on it as both living and dying with grace.
Your grandfather's life is more curious to us, because we all understand that he really didn't start living until his wife was dying. He was all of a sudden called into action to shepherd the woman he loved through the last motions of living. And then once she was gone, he slowly shifted back into the filtered slow motion time of day to day living.
your work on this topic has been a great eye opening body of work. Congratulations.
I am always so impressed with the astute eye you have developed as you look at those who are aging, and in fact dying, as we all are. The juxtaposition of the ornate decor of the Hallmark with the stillness of the people that are living there is a stunning visual. What really struck me is once again how deeply you understand the end of life with the passing of your grandmother, and how you so well understood how ... "My Grandmother was able to come to peace with herself before she died. I think she did that long before she actually died because she stopped talking, but she was still very alert. She just didn't want to shatter the silence she had created of herself. When she spoke it was always something important. She had stopped wasting words." ... We all saw for ourselves how true this was, and can reflect on it as both living and dying with grace.
Your grandfather's life is more curious to us, because we all understand that he really didn't start living until his wife was dying. He was all of a sudden called into action to shepherd the woman he loved through the last motions of living. And then once she was gone, he slowly shifted back into the filtered slow motion time of day to day living.
your work on this topic has been a great eye opening body of work. Congratulations.
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