HW 48 - Family Perspectives on the Care of the Dead (Comment on this one)

Both of my parents have a parent who has died, one was cremated and one was buried in a very traditional manner. Neither side of the family is particularly religious, but one side embraced religion and the other rejected it, so I felt it would be interesting to compare the two.

First I interviewed my mother, I asked her about her views and opinions on death.

"I feel there is an ashes to ashes aspect to life"

"Sometimes when you go to the cemeteries and you look at the headstones, they give these little snippets of life, and they are truly fascinated."

I always knew my mom wanted to be cremated, just like she knew that her mother always wanted to be cremated. But what she has always been very clear about is that she wants to be one with the earth when she dies, but she wants to be remembered. Whether it is by a stone that tells her life in a sentence, or by a plaque on our deck on Fire Island. She wants to be remembered in writing, I understand that. She doesn't care about the religious aspect of her burial or what form it takes, but she just wants to be remembered.

I feel that this makes a huge impression in what I believed in, which is that people are very superstitious about death, and more importantly, life. The way my mother describes it, is that we just want to be appreciated and respected in life and in death. It is more taboo to say bad things or disrespect a dead person because they can't defend themselves. So I understand that my mother wants to be buried in a way that people who don't know her will see this quick summary and know that she was a good person and that her time on earth wasn't "wasted."

Then I interviewed my father and asked his opinions about his views and opinions on death.

First I must explain that I do not have any quotes from my father because in his interview he did not actually say anything that i felt was that quotable. Though it was what he didn't say that was so important. He didn't take it completely serious, but he did answer my questions. He didn't know if he wanted to be buried or cremated. He did know that he didn't care how many people came to his funeral because he was dead so "who cares." When I first asked him what he wants to happen to him when he died, he said that he wanted to be buried in a Jewish cemetery because he is Jewish and he believes that it is the right thing for him to do.

By looking at how undecided my dad was about his "plans," I could tell that he is more then just undecided, he is somewhat scared. Dying is a pretty big deal and it isn't something that you can just come to terms with at the drop of a hat. A lot of people like to be able to arrange everything about how they will be cared for before they die, and others just die and hope for the best. I believe that it comes to you like an epiphany, that you know what feels right, and you can't rush that. The significance of all this is that it shows that religion is not a foolproof solution to not being sure of your plans for when you die. It doesn't make you feel secure in your plans to be buried or burned. It makes your soul feel secure.

My new hypothesis is that people don't care all that much about what happens to their body in terms of how it is treated as long as "they"(their soul) is guaranteed to be at rest or happy. That is where the religious or spiritual aspect comes in to it. They believe that their soul will be at peace, so they are now okay with whatever happens to the vessel (the body).