- The way he would take Josh to museums and paint and do art with them. So they wouldn't grow up in front of the TV
- The way they never used the word Death, or Dying
- The way he deteriorated from "movie star handsome" to "flesh and bones." In the end he was 6 feet tall and weighted 92 pounds.
- The idea of pushing things away, not being able to talk, but pushing everything away
- The way Evan would hold his head up so he could sit up straight, or how josh stayed home from prom to take care of him. And how Beth would stay up all night with him, and take care of him like a baby.
One of my favorite insights was the way she discussed how they never used the words death or dying. They both knew what was going on, but they didn't need to talk about it, they just knew. When my grandma was dying, she never said she was, but she knew she wouldn't be coming to fire island after last summer because she knew she wouldn't last, but she just wanted to enjoy her time left and be with the people who love her. Which is what i believe in, not being afraid to die, but not talking about it. Just let nature take it course.
My other favorite insight was how this slow death caused him to need to have to take care of him. He didn't want to have people doing things for him, he still had his dignity, so he didn't like it. But eventually he accepted it. I don't ever want to be old enough, or in a position where i need people to wait on me hand and foot. Where my loved ones have to watch me slowly die. Like what my mom said with how she isn't afraid of death, just the effect it will have on people when she does die. I can relate to that because i have too much that i cant leave behind and i don't want other people to be responsible for me when i do die.
What this story brought to mind is what it is like to literally be living just to avoid death. We always scramble if we find out we are going to die because suddenly there is so much to accomplish. We know that everything is going to end, so we want to do all the other things because we were living our lives. We couldn't go to Paris because we were working, but now we have 9 months to live so i am going to go learn french and visit the Eiffel Tower. What i thought about was, why do we suddenly feel the need to really live, when we find out we are dying. That is what i respected about this story. This man only changed the way he lived because he couldn't physically do the things he used to. He continued to live as he had because he was living the life he enjoyed. He only spent more time with his wife because they both knew they were going to have to make up for lost time. Although it isn't directly related, i learned that if you can continue living the way you are living when you find out you are going to die. Then you are living a good life. But what i learned is to love who you are with and what you do so that you don't have to look back when you are dying and question why you weren't living the life you dreamed you were.
I thought you're outlook on death is very interesting. You've accepted death yet you'd rather not think or talk about it and let nature take its course. This seems to be the outlook of most people but I find it interesting people think of it as an avoidable topic. I think that you could have expanded on that idea because it is a common is an idea shared by many other people. One thing you could discuss thinking and talking about death personally affects you and why it makes you uncomfortable. I personally believe that over thinking about the topic is what causes all of the negative connotations that go along with it. We instinctively think about how we are supposed to feel because death is always a big deal, but if we gave death less significance, such as something that just occurs naturally, we probably would feel as uncomfortable about it.
ReplyDeleteSam, i thought it was interesting how you don't feel the need to talk about death. Why is this? Do you feel its something thats uneeded or do you think you don't want to face the reality of it?
ReplyDeleteI think its a great attitude to not be afraid of death, and love the way you made the paragraph personal by making connections to your own family. I have the same view as you as in I never want to become a burden on someone and have someone resent looking after me. Reading 'Tuesdays with Morrie' I thought to myself I think I'd rather die than suffer for a drawn out period of time.
I think the way you make real life connections and the language you use is really nice, well done.
Amber :)
Eli:
ReplyDeleteYour ability to take a serious and personal concept, such as the path that is death and how this individual dealt with it, and bring it into a personal and certainly relatable topic is outstanding. I have some bias being part of your family, but it is clear that your connections are profound. For example, you mentioned "Like what my mom said with how she isn't afraid of death, just the effect it will have on people when she does die. I can relate to that because i have too much that I cant leave behind and i don't want other people to be responsible for me when i do die." You turn a very small and narrow story into not into something from your life, but something that is relatable to everyone.
In my opinion the goal of a writer is to tell a story that will bring a reaction of others. Just to hit them and make them think, make them say, "this applies to me". You took a story and did just that, with strong and creative connections.
Stephanie (mom/mentor?:
ReplyDelete"why do we suddenly feel the need to really live, when we find out we are dying"
This was an amazing comment and insight to me. It takes a tremendous amount of bravery to face mortality and still be true to the course of our lives. This says to me that you know that you have to be able to clearly see the life you live now, to make the most of it in your final final days.
it wasn't easy to se your grandmother (whom i know you loved, and know you are so loved by) live and die with great dignity and i am proud that you are able to build on this important life lesson. To understand the value of family and loved ones now, to cherish our days while we can live them as we choose is a great gift and i am so impressed that you have been able recognize this.