HW 58 - Prom Interviews

I interviewed my brother, my friend who just recently had their prom, and my mother.

My brother has never been to prom, and when i asked him what he expected when he does go, is that he is not excited for taking pictures with his date before he goes, but he is looking forward to the after prom. From a guy's perspective he said that prom is about letting loose with your friends who are usually in school mode because that is where you spend the most time with them. He said that he is looking forward to prom because it is like the time that you got to be free of rules, and maybe get lucky

I have a friend who wished to remain nameless, who just recently had their prom in a more suburban part of the country. I asked what it was like, and how it compares to how they have it in movies. She said that since she went to a really big high school, every one was really looking forward to who was going to win prom kind and queen, and that there was really tight security and they were checking all of the kids as they came in to make sure they weren't under the influence and didn't have anything with them. But she said that it was really extravagant inside, there was a lot of food and that everyone was doing the same routine of dancing, then sitting down and then eating and then dancing again. She said that it is a lot longer in real life then in the movies. But she said that after prom was awesome and that she had more fun there then she did at her actual prom.

When i asked my mom about what her prom was like, she said that she didn't go because she graduated high school in January. But she was with that because her high school was so big and she wanted to get out as soon as she okay could. She wasn't interested in buying the dress and going with some boy to prom because she thought that leaving high school and going to college was more important if she had the opportunity because she said that she didn't like her school so she didn't want to be there longer then she had to be. I asked if she had the opportunity to go, would she? She said that she has been to more then one ballroom party, and that she understands what it is about, but she just isn't interested in doing stuff like that.

What i was able to piece together from these three interviews is that prom is all about the expectations. It doesn't matter as much what you actually do there because if you go, and do what you think you are supposed to do, then you will think that you had fun because you successful went to and survived a high school prom. If you don't feel the need to go, then you don't have to, it is all about perspective. If you don't see it as important, no one thinks less of you for not going, it is just saying no to an opportunity that life presents you with, and you don't have many options to re-do it, so most people say yes, and those who don't are stigmatized because they saw something that other people don't, or didn't see what everyone else sees. The point is that prom is just an idea that some have and other's don't.

HW 57 - Initial Thoughts on Prom

Through out the past units, i have gone in with an open mind, i believed that there was definitely a "weird" side to the mass production of food and health care (both in birth and in death). But the thing about prom, is that even though some people may not want to go for whatever reason, it is still something that we will always view as necessary. Prom is supposed to happen once in your life, it is a chance for everyone to be subjected to the same hardships and rewards.

Even if you go by yourself, you dress up, you go to a big ballroom and celebrate what is supposed to be the end of the first major chapter in your life with all of the people who were there for that chapter. The idea of prom is that there isn't supposed to be anything wrong with it. It isn't supposed to be something that has a weird side because it is something that is widely accepted in our culture, as both necessary and some might say mandatory. It is more then just a parade of expensive dresses and suits. It is young adults who get to live out their "fantasy" of the biggest formal gathering they will attend that is about them, before their wedding.

I don't believe that there is much wrong with prom, as evil or weird as it may be, i don't think that those things about it can be changed because unlike the food or hospitals or funeral homes, this isn't an industry. I don't believe there is any business that caters specifically to proms because it a small part of a bigger industry (party planning). But i am here to learn.

• What are the most controversial aspects of prom and what makes them like that?
• What are foreign alternatives to prom if they do not celebrate it like we do?
• How does the perceived importance of prom differ between genders?
• How do age groups that aren't having a prom or have had one, view it? Is there a significant difference between age groups?

COTD1

On May 11th, i went to the two church's/graveyards that are in my neighborhood. The first picture is at Trinity Church, and the second is at St. Luke's which is the oldest continuously open public building in New York City. Both of these churches are within 100 yards of ground zero and both survived. I had never been to a cemetery before these and it was an unusual experience to say the least. Walking in to both of the cemeteries i felt this calm come over me, it was a peaceful place where although there were other people there, if i were blindfolded i would not have noticed.

The first church i went to was St. Paul's. This was the older of the two churches and closer to Ground Zero. The first thing that i noticed was that most of the grave stones were in surprisingly good shape. More then that, they were all really nice too, they have pictures of angles on them and detailed carvings, they were stones that a lot of time was put in to. But upon closer inspection, i began to notice that a lot of these beautiful headstones were for children. They were in the same size, but the dates on them showed that the children weren't usually older then 12. That kind of caught me off guard because i expected noblemen or important people, which there were in the cemetery, but the children's graves were the ones that surprised me. I guess it is because aside from never having been to a graveyard, it hit home for me that you don't always die when you are old and grey, children die too.

The second church i went to was Trinity Church, the biggest difference between the two was that Trinity Church was so much bigger, and right in the middle was a big obelisk looking structure. I wasn't sure what it was, but it was right in the middle. The headstones in this one, much like the last graveyard, were very old, but very ornate, they looked like someone had put a lot of work in to them, they were all faded to a certain degree and none had any polish left on it. The only headstone that did was a marker for a time capsule that is to be dug up in 100 years. As an overall note, i observed that both graveyards seemed very inviting. As if they were saying, "we are nice and relaxing, please come in." They were graveyards is what made me cautious, we aren't supposed to enjoy being in one of these, much less to come in just to relax. Which made me think, maybe i have the wrong approach to these places, they aren't creepy places where dead people are below me, they are fields of reflection and "zen" if you will. I can't say i wouldn't ever do this again, but i am happy that i did because it did open my eyes to new things.

HW 56 - Culminating Project Comments

Matt,
Upon reading your post i was posed with the conundrum, what do i view death as? I enjoyed your skepticism because i feel like it is the most refreshing thing to hear a person talk about, it leads to better conversation then from someone who has set beliefs and won't budge from their ideals. It works wonders on people's thought process to be presented with multiple outside sources of information. I think that the story of the women who experienced death and lived to talk about it is a story that people should hear more. I think that if you were able to come up with a story of an opposing view point then you would really be going there, but who doesn't have an interesting story from a near death experience that they had? Aside from a few grammatical and spelling errors, i think that you had a good flow of ideas, clean it up so we can all share in them with you. Good post brother man
Sam

(http://matthewbisweird.blogspot.com/2011/05/hw-55-culminating-project-care-of-dead.html)

Stephen,
I actually really enjoyed your post because it seems like you really put a lot of effort in to it. The immense amount of background knowledge on how to save money on a funeral would be helpful to people who are going to be in that type of situation. Somewhere i hope to not be so soon. I think that the course you chose for this particular write up was very interesting because at such a young age, this is not information that we need readily available. I can't say that i was thrown off course a little bit by your opening sentence, but i was hooked, and not disappointed. Good job,
Sam

(http://stephengxyz.blogspot.com/2011/05/hw-55.html)

Matt,
This was the type of blog i was hoping i was going to get to read tonight. I was looking for someone who was brave enough to put their own personal opinions on death and dying up on their blog. I actually really like your take on death and what happens too. I think that you make a good point with the physics plug in, and you were even able to use websites to further your opinion. This didn't seem like mindless rambling, it was planned and researched out of things that you have been taught. I think that is what andy is going for with his class, is to have us be able to take opinions from other sources, and then use those ideas to mold and shape our own so we can have a more complete set of views that don't seem close minded and ignorant. Although your grandma may haunt your dreams from the afterlife like she plans on, i think it is interesting that it is something that she knows she will do. I think you really had some great insights here and i enjoyed reading your blog.
Sam

(http://matthews93.blogspot.com/2011/05/hw-55-culminating-project.html)

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Sam,
I liked your blog because you had a really clear beginning that was interesting and had good points, which made reading the rest of your blog easy to read. One thing i found interesting about jewish faith is that it's more natural than christianity, for example things such as kosher. There's also some similarities between the two, for example they both believe that the dead will resurrect. I personally believe the reason people believe that is because its a way for people to cope with a death, by believing they'll come back, but there's a contradiction with that, all the people who believed that before they died and than they're relatives when they died kept believing that, meaning that many generations are due to resurrect. Other than that you had a great blog, good work.
- Rigel

Sam,

Sam really great project. I found it to be both clear and concise.A all around insightful post, and I liked out you went in depth from a cultural perspective . One thing that stuck out to me was the length the Jewish faith goes into to try to preserve the body naturally. I liked how they choose not to embalm. In feels overall like a less industrialized process. Great work.

Matt B

Sam,
I liked your blog post because it was really interesting. I like how Jewish people want everything to be natural or "organic". It feels like a more traditional process that has probably been done the same way for a long time. I agree with you that there is no way to make the grieving process easier. I think that it is human nature to be sad when someone dies. It does not depend on religion or anything else. Great post!
Dean

HW 55 - Culminating Project - Care of the Dead

Jewish Beliefs in life after death

There are roughly 6.5 million Jewish people in the United States right now. Although that may be only 2.5% of our population, it is 45% of the world Jewish population. In contrast to the dominant culture, Jewish burial practices are very different. Embalming is forbidden, and burial need to be within 24 hours of death, if it is possible. People of the Jewish faith need to be buried in a Jewish Cemetery in order to be resurrected and properly follow in Jewish tradition. There are many laws that need to be followed in order to be buried in a Jewish cemetery, laws that go against what we believe should be a “funeral” because of the natural and speedy process.

“A Jewish funeral is a sacred rite and should be invested with both dignity and simplicity as taught by Jewish tradition.” (Uscj.org). It is very important that when someone of the Jewish faith dies, they should be buried as soon as possible. Within 24 hours is preferable, but it may be extended if family needs to travel to get to the funeral, or if the body needs to be shipped to be buried (to Israel). The body is never to be left alone after the person has passed away. Jewish law allows organ donations because they are considered a mitzvah (good deed). Cremations and embalming are strictly against the rules, which includes make-up and dressing the body up. The body is buried in plain white shrouds and buried in a simple wooden box.

The significance of all of these practices is that by “preserving the integrity of the body” you keep it pure and ready for resurrection day. Jewish people have very open beliefs when it comes to what happens to the “soul” when the body dies. Some say that the soul stays in the body, others say it wanders the earth, others say that it joins up with other souls and waits for resurrection day. Personally I don’t believe that there are any “normal” ideas in religion, but I do believe that there is a small spectrum about what the general public views as normal. It is in my opinion that the general public believes that when a person dies, they should call the funeral home so they can come and cart off the body, the funeral home embalms it, and then you and your family come in to make speeches about the dead and who they were, all the while they sit in their coffin, looking still alive, just sleeping. Then they get buried in some beautiful coffin; meanwhile everyone is still crying and sad because this person is just so suddenly gone from their lives. In Judaism it is even quicker, it is similar to ripping off a band-aid, in which the dead is taken away and buried as fast as possible, you don’t get to see the body, and it is a very quick process to leave their integrity intact.

Again, as a personal belief, I don’t believe that there is any good way to deal with death; I don’t believe there is one process versus another that will make the grieving process easier. When someone leaves us, there can’t be one way that will make us feel that they are in a better place, because deep down inside us, we don’t believe that because they aren’t with us. The say “Home is where the head is” because we have a moral obligation to return to those who we truly do love. In the Jewish religion we believe that we need to bury the dead as quickly as possible because we believe that the quicker we bury them, the quicker their souls will return to us, and they will truly be happy, as will we. This isn’t a business about only pleasing the dead, because they are dead, this is an industry about catering to the living in a time of crisis. If we can make them happy while they are at their worst, then they will be much happier when they have had time to deal with what is actually going on. So no, I don’t feel any religion will ever be able to properly address this, but I do feel that if we can understand out own motives, then we can better understand why we believe so heavily in these religions.

Weissman, Alan. "Guide to Jewish Funeral Practice." uscj.org. United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism, 2010. Web. 16 May 2011. .

Klug, Lisa. "Jewish Funeral Customs: Saying Goodbye to a Loved One." jewishfederations.org. The Jewish Federations of North America, Inc, 2010. Web. 16 May 2011. .

HW 54 - Independent Research B

I can't say that i am a particularly religious person. I was raised by mixed beliefs. I went to temple with my father on the high holidays and celebrated the happy holidays with my extended family at my grandma's house around that time of year. I never woke up to a Christmas tree in the morning, but i have celebrated Hanukah with my parents every year since i was born. We don't know what the prayer you say before you light the candles means, but we do it every time, sometimes completely making it up. When my grandma died, she was cremated, which goes against Jewish beliefs. As a family we believe that there is a power out there greater then us, something that sees all and knows all. We believe in a mix of religions. Me and my mother believe very strongly in Karma. We are a spiritual family, so to speak. We believe that there is some form of life after death, and that we will be with the ones we love. We don't know what it looks like, and if you have to be good to go there. But we believe in it.

In the Jewish religion, there is no set definition as to what happens to you when you die. The main rule is that one day "the dead will be resurrected." (Jewfaq.org) It isn't clear what will happen until then. Some people say that our souls stay in our bodies, others say that it leaves and it is immortal, it all depends on what type of Jew you are and what form of Judaism you believe in. It isn't a complex religion, it is actually somewhat of an open religion, you can believe what you want will happen, as long as you obey the rules, everything will end up okay. I think that is all we want anyway.

For my expert i talked to a family friend Norman. He works at the local synagogue during the holidays. I asked him about what we Jews believe will happen to us after we die. He said that "it was open to interpretation." He said that although we still need to live right, once we die, there is no clear explanation as to what happens. He said that the soul does live on though, whether it stays in the body, or stays on this planet, the soul survives us so one day it can be resurrected. Although it may be vague, it is still clear that we don't have a set belief in what happens when we die, but we can believe what we want as long as we obey the rules. As long as we obey the rules...

HW 53 - Independent Research A

Islamic Scholars Split Over Sea Burial for Bin Laden

(http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/03/world/asia/03burial.html

_r=1&scp=10&sq=Care%20of%20the%20dead&st=cse)

• After he was killed in a fire-fight in Northern Pakistan, the body of Osama Bin Laden was transported to the aircraft carrier Carl Vincent where it was given proper muslim burial rites, wrapped in a white sheet, and then put in a weighted body bag and slid in to the ocean from a lower deck. He was buried at sea to avoid creating a shrine where Muslim extremists would have a place to go to, to worship him.

Daily Life in the Business of Death

(http://lens.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/03/30/daily-life-in-the-business-of-death/?ref=deathanddying)

• Scott Palmer grew up around death, his family owned a funeral home Iowa. He feels comfortable being in funeral homes and around dead bodies. Now he photographs the ways of funeral homes, including cremation and the instruments used for embalming. He does this to show that death is something that we need to accept and embrace and not go about in such hush hush ways.

The reason that i chose these two articles is because they have such an interesting contrast. The Bin Laden article discusses how shrouded in secrecy and hidden his funeral was, but the second article has pictures of funeral homes and caskets and old embalming tools. I thought that it was interesting how hidden the Bin Laden funeral was because they were afraid that his grave would turn in to a shrine for all extremists. Meanwhile Scott Palmer is trying to give a more transparent face to the funeral industry. I guess both sides can learn from each other, sometimes you need to understand death and be okay with it. And sometimes death needs to be somewhat confidential and personal.

Today i went to Reddens Funeral home on 14th street. The first thing i noticed was how it smelled and how cold it was. It smells of chemicals and what i would imagine embalming fluid smelled. The decor was very typical, it was very bland but very "eccentric" looking. It had very antique looking furniture and typical flower pictures everywhere. Unfortunately there was no one there to talk to because i did not call in advance.

Having not actually had any questions answered, all i can say is that i have been to funeral homes before, and what i always notice is that they all smell and look the same. They seem to be made the same everywhere (In NY at least), so that no matter where you go, you have the same experience, you walk in to a cold, chemically smelling room, and then seeing a casket in the background surrounded by pictures of the deceased, and then you see the body, and it looks surreal, it looks like they are sleeping, except their skin looks dusty. I can't handle funerals that well because i have never had the ability to see a dead body that wasn't in a funeral home. I feel that death is something i need to experience, but a natural way.

HW 52 - Third Third of the COTD Book

The American Way of Death Revisited by Jessica Mitford

Precis: Has it become too expensive to die? The funeral industry has gone through some pretty drastic changes, including the forming of centralizing funeral services, such as embalming and body storage. The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) has weakly tried to address the over pricing issues that the funeral industry forces on the general public, but they are very resistant. In England they don't have the same marketing campaigns for people who are dying. They also have a much higher cremation rate. They say that England is 50 years behind us, but is that such a bad thing? They still have their green pastures that aren't covered in cheap looking mausoleums. Although we are taking steps to fix what is happening in our funeral industry, it can't be said that we can yet die without being a little scared for how it will be payed for.

Quotes:

• "Borrowing from the successful techniques of McDonald's, where SCI first buys up a carefully chosen selection of funeral homes, cemeteries, flower shops, and crematoria in a given metropolitan area." (P 191)
• "The Americans pioneered a fast-food, hard-sell approach to death. It is not the British way. Sarah Bosely and Peter Godwin investigate creeping disneyfication--and soaring prices--in the British funeral industry." (P 224)
• "To hear the funeral men complain about the bad press they get, one might think they are the target or a huge newspaper and magazine conspiracy to defame and slander them, to tease them and laugh at them, and eventually to ruin them. Actually, they have not fared too bad." (P 237)
• "On which one of Neptune's top salespeople explained, in an expensive mood, that the law requires a casket (cost: $400), while in practice, bodies are cremated in a shroud. The avid seller likewise explained that an urn is required by law (cost: $75), whereas a $2 cardboard box is used." (P 259-260)

Analysis: As someone relatively new to the "weird" aspect of normality, i think that it would be safe to say that the practices in the food industry, the birth industry and the health care industry are very similar to those of the funeral industry. I have noticed as a general consensus, that these industries will lie and cheat to make the most money. They all cut corners to save time at either a physical or economic risk to the patron all to have a slightly higher profit. In The American Way of Death Revisited by Jessica Mitford, the funeral directors lie about the necessary process that needs to happen to a dead body, and even about the laws that set the standards for their practices so that they can make the either grieving or preparing families pay more. In Food Inc by Paul Roberts addresses similar topics of industry leaders skirting by the laws and lying about their products so they can have a higher profit. Even if it means selling bad meat to schools or slaughtering animals in an inhumane way. The "Normal" aspect of society is quickly becoming how fast we can dehumanize an industry and make the most profit with the least work. Thats at least what i have learned so far.

HW 51 - Second Third of COTD Book

The American Way of Death Revisited by Jessica Mitford

Precis: As the death rise, as they should with an ever expanding population, people are beginning to see the promise of profit in an industry that will always exist, not matter the economic climate. Because these people run an industry where they can buy land for cheap and instead of having to break it into 4 50 ft by 100 ft lots, they can break it into a thousand 6 ft by 8 ft lots where they don't have to pay any taxes for the land and they can make their own rules. These grave yards sell the plaques that you can memorialize the dead with, they sell flowers and wreaths. With cremation rates on the rise they have found ways to make money off of that too with new urn options, and spaces you can buy to keep your loved ones urns in. It has become a market to make money.

Quotes:

• "Concept cites the case of a town with a population of less than 750 where a successful 288-crypt mausoleum has been established' (pg 86)
• "He cited a case in which several siblings each bough individual urns to hold a portion of mom's ashes: "There was something of a power struggle to see who would purchase the nicest urn." (pg 116)
• "It is depressing to think of them digging and poking about in our new crop of Forest Lawns, the shouts of discovery as they come upon the mass-produced granite horrors, the repetitive flat bronze markers, and under the ground, the stamped out metal casket shells resembling nothing so much as those bronzed and silver souvenirs for sale at airport gift shops." (pg 139)
• "The special public relations problem that dogs the undertaker has existed for all time, arising out of the very nature of his occupation. It is uphill work to present it attractively, but he tries, perhaps too hard." (pg 150)
• Although the major consolidators have in the past shown a preference for high-end sales and have invested money to better attract high-end sales and have invested money to better attract high-end consumers by improving the appearance of the physical plant, it should by no means be assumes that the low-end public is being neglected. Low-end mortuaries are being acquired, in some cases to close them down and thereby reduce competition." (pg 173)

Analysis: What i have noticed from reading this book is that as a population, we will do almost anything to make money, and when we are the only people in a certain business, we will do all that we can to make the most money off of the public. I found it sadly funny how people can find loopholes in the laws to turn an acre of land in to a graveyard, and instead of seeing the final resting places of scores of people, they see dollar signs. They have taken over every aspect of the industry. From clothes and shoes to caskets and urns, and flowers and wreaths to gravestones and plaques. I think the point that Jessica Mitford is trying to make with this book is that the American way of death is a capitalist way of death. As I read about the industries control of every aspect of death, I couldn't help but think to myself what would happen if people really did treat death as a time of peace and respect? Would it be a beautiful celebration or gray and dreary because there was no monitory incentive?